Fel's Musings

A lady approaches the elevator. She reaches over to the side wall and presses one of the button on the pad. Nothing happened. She tried again. Nada. She tried another button. And another button. Still nothing. "What's wrong with this elevator?!" Naturally, I have the solution because I am the smartest person in all of Utah . "Miss, that's a thermostat. The elevator button is between the two doors."

Did I ever tell you guys the story about me on the bus? I saw a cute chick as I was getting on so I was going to chat her up. I greeted her with a "Hi". As I was sitting down on the seat just in front of her, I noticed that she was really pregnant. I couldn't just turn back now without looking like an idiot so I pulled out the "Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?" line. She said yes. I said "Awesome!" and never talked to her again.

It’s Friday the 13 th . I’m not sure why but some people have this superstitious belief that this day is cursed. Well, I’m here with a story to prove you wrong. You see, back in college, my buddy thought this day was unlucky. He was worried something bad would happen. Naturally, I stepped in to show him it was a normal day just like any other.             “Watch.” I said. “I’ll ask someone out for lunch and nothing weird will happen.” So I did. On Friday the 13 th , we were set to have lunch at the Seasider, essentially a place to get fast food and ice-cream on campus. I was a fan of their grilled cheese, something you could get so cheap I felt like I was robbing the place each time I did. Friday the 13 th came around. It wasn’t till 11am that I got a text from her saying something came up and she wouldn’t be able to get lunch. I would later see on Facebook that the “something” was actually her getting lunch with anoth...

            I don't regret much in life. Just all the choices I've made up until now. Especially the last choice I made (besides writing this, so I guess 2nd to last choice).             I had a dream where I was with a sexy Chinese lady. She was dressed in that traditional sexy red dress and just made me some delicious food so I naturally woke up with the desire for some Chinese (food, that is).             The only problem is that there's one Chinese place that delivers and you have to call in. Calling is against my religion but I pictured my dad being disappointed in me, that I'd let something like a phone call stand between me and delicious food. So I wanted to make him proud by calling. Lets get out of that comfort zone!             What a mistake that was. I called. The ...

“I hardly ever go outside. Whenever I do, something crazy happens.” I explain to my co-worker buddy, Cory. You see, I went outside this weekend. No, it’s true. Ask my friend Cory. You see, our favorite podcast was in town so I got us some VIP tickets, which included a meet-n-mingle. We got to talking in his car and naturally the topic fell on why I spend all my time indoors. I don’t know what it is about me but I just attract crazy. It’s why I have dozens upon dozens of stories about failed dates and bizarre encounters that rival Mulder and Scully from The X-Files. All that despite the fact that you can count how often I leave my house on one hand. We got to the shindig early because Cory wanted to get away didn’t want to be late. We waited outside and chatted for a bit, a rare treat we hardly get outside of work. A chill wind blew through the Salt Lake ’s inversioned air. Along with it came an old man on a bicycle. He stopped right in front of us as if to ask a question but what...