Chinese Food

            I don't regret much in life. Just all the choices I've made up until now. Especially the last choice I made (besides writing this, so I guess 2nd to last choice).


            I had a dream where I was with a sexy Chinese lady. She was dressed in that traditional sexy red dress and just made me some delicious food so I naturally woke up with the desire for some Chinese (food, that is).


            The only problem is that there's one Chinese place that delivers and you have to call in. Calling is against my religion but I pictured my dad being disappointed in me, that I'd let something like a phone call stand between me and delicious food. So I wanted to make him proud by calling. Lets get out of that comfort zone!


            What a mistake that was. I called. The guy had a hard time understanding me. He couldn't hear my card number. Or at least, he thinks he didn't get it right. He repeated it right. But that meant I'd have to use cash, another thing I hate using (plastic 4 life!). He told me the price, it was about 10 bucks more than I expected. Those delivery charges are where they get you.


            The delivery boy (it was a woman...I think) called me, said she was at the front door. I asked if she meant the door upstairs or downstairs. "Front door". That's a different house. My door is in the back, downstairs. "come." Great, so now I have to go outside to get my food. Why did I even bother delivering?


            I thought I'd finally be able to enjoy my food and I did. Cheese wontons are delicious but I noticed a large amount of containers. I'm not sure what happened but they gave me like 100 orders of rice. Why do I need white rice when I have fried rice? There's a giant container of fried pork. I have like 16 oz of sweet and sour sauce. A container low mein. And half a dozen fortune cookies. I guess my number isn't the only thing the guy had a hard time hearing.


            The moral of the story is don't listen to my dad. I was perfectly fine not calling to order food but he just HAD to be disappointed in me. But now I'm stuck with a bunch of Chinese food (bland Chinese food so I'm guessing a white person was in charge of flavoring things in the kitchen). But I'm an adult. I know who the blame really belongs to. That dream Chinese woman. If she hadn't been sexy and offering me food, I wouldn't have woken up with such strong desires (for Chinese food, get your mind out of the gutter). "Isn't there someone who isn't imaginary who is to blame?" I can hear you ask. Yes. Yes, there is. Cory. He knows that I require a weekly order of Beefy 5 Layer Burritos from Taco Bell. Yet he just refuses to inconvenient himself, leave his pregnant wife to drive the 45 minutes over to my place to give me food. >( Some people are just so rude.


P. S.

            I forgot to rate the Chinese food I ordered. Yes, I described it. But people need stars. The Chinese food makes me sick soon after eating it but that's only after. Even knowing this I'm still coming back to eat it. Granted, I'm fat so it doesn't take much. Also, I'm getting use out of the sweet and sour sauce by putting it on everything. Fried rice. Awesome. Lo Mein. Eh, it's ok. Fried pork. bleh. White rice. Haven't touched it. And the fact that I had to talk to someone (on the phone!) just to get my food leaves a bad taste in my mouth (or maybe that's the lo mein, fried pork combo slathered in sauce) Anyway -> * * / * * * * *

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