Fel's Musings

Are you depressed? Do you think you have little to no worth? Well, Fel is here to tell you that, however bad you may be, you do have worth. You give more to the world than some other people, like my housemate for example. Our landlady came to surprise visit. I’m not sure how someone older than time itself caught me off guard without pants but she did (Calm down, “without pants” means I was wearing shorts, you weirdo. No shirt though, so she saw how white I was). You see, we have weekly cleaning checks or at least we’re supposed to. We haven’t had one for the entirety of November. I just figured the landlady was busy playing chess against Death for her life or something. But nope.                     “Have you seen Jared?” She asked me. “I haven’t been able to get a hold of him all month.” Jared, for those who aren’t familiar with my housemates, it’s the unemployed tattoo guy. If I’m e...

            I’ve been working on this piece for a while. I tend to write when I get frustrated with something. It helps me clear my head. I haven’t really told anyone about it. People aren’t really interested in the pieces I say I’m writing. Rightfully so, since I have dozens upon dozens of Chapter 1s of stories that never went anywhere. They just want the final thing. This one’s a bit more somber so if you’re here for humor, sorry, you’ll have to wait a bit longer until something dumb happens to me again (that probably won’t take long). For the rest of you, these might seem a bit disjointed. For some, I wrote as things happened and for others I went back and penciled them in. I thought about editing it but I wanted to preserve what I felt at the time and the best way to do that would be to touch each encounter as little as possible.             Every December the company I work for rents out a t...

Sometimes dreams put you in weird situations. My co-worker, Pardus, and I were on our way to…something. It was for work. I wasn’t entirely sure what we were supposed to do. It was training related, I just wasn’t sure if we were to train others, we were to be trained or what. All I know is that I was with Pardus, as we were driving to where we needed to be. Turns out it was a middle school. We walk into the office, say “We’re here.” And get ushered to a classroom. We were seated in the back at a table, with the teacher up front teaching math and the students, presumably, paying attention. The office worker told us to let them know if we needed anything and left. I figured at some point the teacher would tell us what we’re there for. So we continued sitting. Waiting. A bell rang and the students left. We were finally approached by the teacher.             “It’s lunch time. You’re more than welcome to the food in our cafeteria. Af...

I hope you’re ready for more Uber Adventures. If you think these updates are getting old, I know how you feel. I got a ride from the oldest American alive today. Things started off brilliantly.             “I’m here.” My driver called me.             “You sure? I’m outside and no one is here.”             “I’m sure.” I check the map and see that he’s on the opposite side of the street and down a ways.             “You drove a bit too far. My house is the green one on the other side of the street. If you do a U-Turn and drive a bit, you’ll see me outside.”             “Ok.” So I look down our empty street and see him do a U-Turn and stop. Did the car stall? I wait a bit longer. Longer still. He calls agai...

I go to the doctor a lot. Out of all the questions I've been asked, the one that I've never had asked of me is if I'm sexually active. How do they know? Do they just say to themselves "Liberal , Ex-Mormon Brownie In Utah? Yeah, The Pope gets more action than this guy."

Do you ever wake up missing someone?             I met someone at an event. It was just really terrible speed dating at church. These things never works. Until I met Jessica. A cheerful, assertive brunette whose smile could blind the sun. Even after our time together was up, she remained in my mind. Like your favorite song, it just stays there, making you happy.             The event ended. I looked around for Jess, eager to catch up but I couldn’t find her. Defeated, I exited the church. A shame I never asked for her number when I had the chance. I don’t regret much but this was one. I bumped into someone. Literally. Or rather, she made sure I bumped into her. Jess.             “You didn’t think we were done talking just because the activity was over, did you?” she greeted me.      ...

For the most part, Uber drivers are pretty interesting folks. And not weird at all. But every once in a while, you meet some people that make you go "huh?". The other day I got into a car with this dude who was listening to the Spanish station. It was kind of weird, normally uber drivers put on music or some like it quiet. But this was just 2 Spanish or Mexican people talking. Oh well. I'm a passenger, it's not my car, I'm not going to say anything. So he's taking me home an d I'm quiet, not trying to strike up a conversation because he's obviously listening to this for a reason. We're 2 minutes from my house before this guy finally says something. "Man, these Mexicans talk so fast. I don't get how anyone can understand what they say, even if they know the language." Then it hit me. He didn't put it on the Spanish channel for his benefit. He put it on because he thought I was Mexican. One of these days, racism is going to ...

"one man's trash is another man's treasure" is, evidently, not a good pick up line for someone just got broken up with.

So I'm at physical therapy, being me. Trying to be human and be all pleasant and trying to be fun to converse to. Then Real Fel comes out... Me: So, what does your wife do? Therapist: Actually, it's my husband. He works for Visa. Me: Oh, sorry. I should have guessed. You're always so well dressed. Why am I like this?