Missing Her

Do you ever wake up missing someone?

            I met someone at an event. It was just really terrible speed dating at church. These things never works. Until I met Jessica. A cheerful, assertive brunette whose smile could blind the sun. Even after our time together was up, she remained in my mind. Like your favorite song, it just stays there, making you happy.

            The event ended. I looked around for Jess, eager to catch up but I couldn’t find her. Defeated, I exited the church. A shame I never asked for her number when I had the chance. I don’t regret much but this was one. I bumped into someone. Literally. Or rather, she made sure I bumped into her. Jess.

            “You didn’t think we were done talking just because the activity was over, did you?” she greeted me.

            I didn’t even get a chance to respond. She grabs my hand and guides me over to the center of BYU-Hawaii. We finally stop in front of the David of McKay Muriel that overlooks the entrance to campus. She sat the two of us down and began talking. You could give me all the money on campus and I still wouldn’t be able to tell you what was said. Someone actually was interested in me for once. Time just flew by. I didn’t even notice that day turned to night.

            “That was quick. You know Fel, I never got your number.”

I spat out my number so fast I’m surprised she managed to get it right without having me repeat it. After copying it down in her phone, she sent me a text so I could have her number as well. Balloons floated out of my phone when I received it. Almost like they were a physical representation of how happy I was to finally get a message that wasn’t a reminder about something.

            “Let me walk you home.” I suggested.

            “That’s a great idea. You never know what might happen to an innocent woman like me, walking home alone at night. I might get kidnapped. And that would be awful for you as well. Imagine having someone report to the police ‘Last I saw Jess, she was with that Black person. Best arrest him’. How terrible for you to lose me and your freedom in one night.”

It’s not often someone else makes me laugh, at yet there was something cathartic about this joke. Here she was in this hypothetical, kidnapped, and yet all she thought about was how much trouble I would be in.

            I began walking her home. She lived in one of the town houses, one of the few houses that had two floors here on the North Shore. People can barely afford one house, much less another one stacked on top. I’m not sure why I said the next thing I said but I did.

            “You know, my family was originally supposed to move into a town house. Then they moved us over to a single-story on the other side of town. It’s for the best though. I can’t imagine cleaning a two-story house. I don’t know why I brought up cleaning. I guess as fastidious as my mother is with cleaning, you can’t not look at a place and think about how much of a pain it would be to clean. I’m already not in the mood to vacuum, much less lug a heavy vacuum cleaner up stairs.”

            “I know that feeling. I convinced my mom to buy two, one for the downstairs and one for the up, just so we could avoid having to do just that.”

We got to her house, just in time to see her sister kiss who I assume is the boyfriend good night.

            “We can’t be outdone by her now can we?” Jess asked. She turned me to her and kissed me passionately goodnight. It was a long kiss. The kind that makes time slow to a snail’s pace. When she pulled back, the sister and the boyfriend were gone.

            “You know, you should let me walk you home now.” She offered.

That’s a bit confusing. I had just walked her home and now she wants to do likewise with me.
            “If you were to walk me home then I’d have to walk her home again and we’d be stuck in an infinite loop.”

            “Until we finally just decided to settle down in a house together. Then we both would be home at the same time.” Can’t argue with that sound logic. “Besides, let’s face it, you’re far more likely to get shot at night than I am kidnapped. If anything, me walking you home just makes more sense.”

            So we walked to my house. For those not in the know, La’ie is incredibly small. It only takes us about 10 minutes to get from the school to either of our houses. You could probably walk from one end of town to the other in about 30-40 minutes. There’s only a bit over 2000 people in the town and most of those are students. Considering Hawaii’s perfect climate, it’s a place where walking really is a viable form of transportation.

My mother was in the kitchen, making dinner. She was shocked. Not only that I left my room but also that I came back with a woman. That never happens. I introduced the two and then we made our way into my room. There wasn’t much there. Just the computer, my TV and games along with my bed. We lay down on my bed and this goes exactly where you’d expect two nerds to take it when alone on a bed together. We start reading manga and whatever other books I had lying around. What did you expect to happen? Sex? Ha! Oh please! (Not while the parents are awake ;) ).

            My mother brought us some cheese sticks. I don’t know why she thought of cheese sticks. I guess she grabbed whatever snack was available to get just to serve us. I would say that meant she really wanted me to hit things off with Jess but my mom is just naturally this nice with everyone. But she did make sure that the door to my room was kept open. I know all this seem quaint or even mundane. But it means the world to me.
Things like this just don’t happen to me. I mean, I consider a date to be successful if she bothers to show up instead of standing me up. So imagine how it feels to not have someone just be there for me but also liking me. Jess grabs my hand, the warmthness of her feelings for me seem to melt away whatever troubles I had. It was like for one moment, the world was perfect.
            “Hey Fel. Can I tell you something?”

            “Anything.”

I lay there, next to her, waiting for her to respond. She seemed to be gathering her courage. That’s rare. Not once had I ever seen Jess actually hesitate to say something. Granted, I’ve only known her for a bit. But considering how quick we connected, I feel like I’ve known her forever. Like we met in a previous life and knew it so we decided to pick things up where we left off without missing a beat.

            “I..”

            “Hey Filipei, the internet is down!” My housemate interrupts.

I could feel Jess’ hand slip away. I tried to grasp it back but to no avail.

            “Oh sorry, were you asleep?” My roommate asked.

            “No, I just lie in bed with the lights off for fun.”

            “Oh, ok. Can you fix the internet?”

            “The router is right there by the door. Just reset it.”

            “I don’t know how. I’m not good with technology” the man in his late 30s admitted, evidently completely unaware of how to press a simple button.

As quickly as she appeared, she also vanished. And yet, she lingers in my mind. I’m missing someone that never existed