Targeted Ads

 

Targeted ads have been a thing for quite a while. I know some people get worried over it. “Ads know what I secretly like? How dare they pretend to be omniscient! It’s an affront to God!” I’ve always been kind of meh about it because whatever algorithms know about me, it’s clearly just guessing. Video games. Of course, what male 18-34 years old doesn’t like games? You’re…human, right? How about some delivery? Still on a diet? Well, grocery delivery.  Single? Of course you are, we can see your picture. How about a dating website…for Catholics? You’re Catholic right? Well, you like Jim Gaffigan so it’s a good guess. Besides, look at you. Can’t be picky on religion.

 

See how bad it is? Living in Utah and it guesses Catholic as my most likely religion. So, it’s like 50% correct. So I was never worried…until NOW! I’m getting ads for baby stuff. Diapers, baby food, clothing. ?_? We all know I haven’t been intimate with anyone. Out of all your friends, I’m the one you know that about. If you ever get a trivia question that starts with “Which one of your friends has never…” Just cut them off and yell “Fel!”. When it comes to things I’ve never done, the list is vast. There’s not enough wood in the Amazon for the amount of paper you’d need to write it all down. (I’m a great “Never Have I Ever” player). So, how am I getting these baby ads? Does the algorithm know something I don’t? Am I pregnant?

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