Even More From Crazy Conspiracy Theorist

So, Conspiracy Theorist went off on one of his rants again. I managed to get all this written down as he was over in the laundry room. I’m pretty sure he’s talking to himself but he’s pretending to talk to someone.

 

"I’m one of the most dangerous hackers you could ever fucking mess with. If you try to hack my device, I’ll hack you back. I’ll have someone come to your house and mess you up."

 

"We’re going to make things better in this country. We are. It’s already starting to happen. Lowering gas prices. Treating the American public with respect. I want them to leave you alone. I want the deep state to frickin leave Donald Trump alone. Just leave him alone. The guy has done a great job on the American public."

 

"What does everyone wanna know? Energy. The deals. The vibrations"

 (I have no idea). 

"I’ve done entertainment stuff too. My friend has done acting. John Riley. My friend has done movies with Will Ferrell on Blades of Glory. I’m a very good actor. I’ve done a lot of things. "

(I have no idea). 

"I’ve heard of your show. I’ve been working hard. Getting companies up and going."

(I have no idea here either).

 

"I want Donald Trump to run. I remember when he won. Women were crying. It was great. Ladies you’re in a male-dominated world. It’s never going to stop. Your Father in Heaven wants you in a male-dominated world. Tattoos. They’re not good. Your Father in Heaven loves every single child. Yeah, I’m slow. You can call me slow. Basically, I know how to manipulate anything into getting what I want. I like Sean Hannity. But the guy blocked me from phone calls."

 

"I’m the real deal. I have taught. I teach a lot of people how do to things with psychology. Reality TV what does it teach you? Paid actors. So many people on reality TV are paid to do what they’re asked to. I’m telling you, I’m not paid to be an actor. I get paid to."

 (he didn’t finish it) 

"I like LA. But I left. I’m an actor, I’m a very good actor. I wanted to make a difference in this world. Respect. I wasn’t expecting to guide people in this world. But I have. We all know what I’ve done. I’m not going to go on national TV. But people can interview me. Ask me what I’m up to. I can’t really divulge things. Right now, a lot of the stuff that’s about to happen. I’ll tell you right now. Google better be careful. Taking the actual truth off line. I’m telling you. All the music, I’m going to make it free." 

(wow, how socialist) 

"You can get paid for performances. I can do anything I want. I’m going on Joe Rogan’s podcast. Sometime this week. Haven’t decided on the date yet."

 

"I’m going to see Donald Trump soon. I’m more of a contract kind of guy. I do whatever I can. I love this nation. Slander is a thing in country. We got, not me, we got. I love that the gas prices are going down in this country. The man that is current president of the United States. Donald J Trump. Joe Biden was just given the title. The Democrat Party, every knows, a lot of people don’t know."

 (I don’t know what that means. Everyone knows that a lot of people don’t know?) 

"I didn’t get asked to do what I do for this country. No one has respect for me and what I’ve done in this country. "

*Ok, here’s a weird thing. He came over to my room. Told me he was going to do laundry and asked if he wanted me to close my door (I always have the door to my room open because otherwise the smell gets funky). I said sure. But before he did, he started going into what he’s done. So, here’s what he admitted to me in the…3-5 minutes he was talking. *

 

“I’m going on Joe Rogan’s show sometime between now and the end of the year.” 

I find this one to be one of the most bizarre claims. It’s not like this is something you can lay claim to by working in the background. It’s not only public but also a popular podcast. Anyone can easily call bull on it.

“I was the one responsible for overturning Roe v Wade”. 

Not sure how he lays claim to this one. He does go on to say.

”I helped defeat Hilary Clinton and get Donald Trump elected.” 

So maybe that’s how. He thinks he alone is responsible for the outcome of the 2016 election, ergo he’s responsible for it.

 

“I know Donald Trump. I’m a relative of his.” 

I’d say ‘for someone connected to Trump, why are you working at an Amazon Warehouse’ but, honestly, being left to fend for yourself seems rather apt for an extended family member of the Trump family.


”I’m the one responsible for lower gas prices.” 

Uh…thanks? Was he also responsible for setting them high back in the summer? Or is it just the lowering? Why not keep it low forever? This reminds me of that joke Dwight said in The Office:

“I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.”
“Why would you raise it?”
“So I can lower it”.

That was it. Rather short conversation. Me just being here nodding along and saying how cool the stuff he was doing is. I figure it’s better safe to indulge him on these things than try and fight back and be sorry.

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