Online Dating in Utah

 

A lot of people ask me “Fel, why are you so weird?” I’m not sure why. I mean, I know why they ask, I am indeed weird. I just don’t know why I am. Genetics? Hidden trauma that I haven’t dealt with? Who knows? Another question I get is if I’m lonely. No. I’m alone but I like being by myself. But that doesn’t stop people from worrying. So, in an effort to dissuade your fears for my mental wellbeing (what little mental faculties I have left), I have signed up for a dating site. I hope you’re happy.


Dating sites can be finicky. At my age, all the good people have already gotten married. “But you’re not married. So that means…” Yes, I know. You think I don’t know I’m not good? I’ve been told I’m not good my entire life. You’re not winning any Nobel’s for that kind of info. Living in Utah is another mark against me, and this is through no fault of my own. People in Utah tend to be very conservative. With women who write things on their profile like “Be a MAN! If you have pronouns, or are vegan, vegetarian, gluten intolerant then swipe left.” And I’m just sitting here thinking: We all have pronouns, that’s how the English language works. And I don’t think gluten intolerance is a dietary restriction people choose to have. Plus I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I am, well, not very conservative. I’m not very anything. In fact only “very” I am, is boring.

 

So, yeah, matching with them probably wouldn’t work out. “Fel, you need to put your best foot forward. You can’t say you’re very boring. ” I get that. I just prefer to keep things realistic. I’m not going to say I’m an adrenaline junkie who loves the outdoors because that’s not who I am. And I’m definitely not going to be delusional, like how some people who put “I’m a solid 10” when they only scale they’re a 10 on is the delusional scale.

 

So, needless to say, I haven’t had much luck. “So why did you rejoin a dating site if you knew things weren’t going to work out? Were you just eager to waste time?” Well, since the last time I joined, I lost a lot of weight, about half my bodyweight in fat. I thought that would give me an edge this time to turn my fortunes around. Turns out, there’s not a whole lot of difference between Fat Fel and Skinny Fel when it comes to online dating. It would be really sad if the sole reason I got skinny was to be more attractive. Thankfully, I didn’t….anyway. Two weeks after signing up, I’ve only had 1 match who talked to me. She was cute and moved to Utah from France. Fancy. Hey, I’m not complaining here. When it comes to dating, you really only need to get it right once. This isn’t Utah in 1877, you get married to one person nowadays. And I was determined to get this right. Since it was the December, I figured I’d ask how she’s been enjoying the Utah winter. Being in a foreign land, far from home during the holidays can’t be easy. But I never got an answer to that. Maybe it was too generic. I’m not sure. It’s not like there’s a results screen telling you what you did wrong, as much as I would love there to be one. Well, if one cutie matched up with me, surely another will come along soon enough. Time to trudge on!

 

 

I got a message in my email from the dating app a few days later. They let me know that the person I was talking to was a scammer and that I should be more careful. “Scammers tend to be a bit different than normal women, so be on the look out for those who seem a bit different than the usual matches.” Well, thanks for letting me know. Listen, the only thing that differentiated this scammer from other women on the app is that they matched with me. So, going by what they told me, everyone who matches with me is a scammer. Anyway, back to swiping, I guess.

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