Conspiracy Delusions

 “My America First credit card went to collections.”

Oh boy. Conspiracy’s in trouble. Those credit card rates are going to get hiked. I'm not sure what he has but my guess is probably near 20% APR.

“Oh, I was just working on my General Conference talk.”

Is he…no. Does he think he’ll be going up there to talk? When has a regular person ever done that? It’s always people in the organization, right? Or did something change since I’ve left?

“I’m gonna speak in General Conference. I’m going to speak in front of 8 billion people.”

So..guess that answers our previous question. 8 billion people. I get that this dude is bad with numbers and probability but why does he think literally everyone is tuning in?

“I have angels around me. To protect me. I believe I was the arch angel Michael.”

That’s a new one. You know, for someone who is protected by angels, he sure gets scammed a lot. Guess the angels were on break for those.

“I’ve already destroyed the Democrat party. I’m the one that helped Trump get back in office.”

I have no idea what he’s talking about.

“I’m one of the most famousest people that God has ever created.”

So humble.

“I’m preparing the world for when Jesus returns. God originally wanted to nuke the world. But I came up with a second plan. And God told me he liked it. Now I have total control.”

That last statement honestly seems humble when compared to this one. Jesus!

“I can do anything. I can fix anything. I can fix a car. I can fix…anything. That’s why I’m working on getting rid of money. No more money. We’re all equal. Free electricity. Free internet.”

It’s so interesting that he wants equality across the board along with free…everything, I guess. Since we’re getting rid of currency. Yet he’s hardcore conservative and despises Democrats.

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