I am a Soldier!

 

“I am a soldier!”

 

Conspiracy fell asleep on the couch. Probably because there’s no place to sleep in his room. Still a mess, even though he rented out a storage unit for $60 a month. I don’t even see a difference, which means the only things he moved in there were the junk in his car, which I’m guessing was quite a lot. Yeesh. He accidentally showed a picture of him sending the rent to our landlord to everyone in the house group chat. Dude has $500 left in the bank. Wells Fargo bank, so I guess he moved his money back in. Guess that “Wells Fargo is collapsing this Friday!” shock wore off and he no longer thinks they’re in such financial straits to be at risk of collapsing at any moment.

Oh, the soldier bit. Here’s me going off on tangents. He fell asleep on the couch but his phone was on. He was watching…something. A tik tok? A rumble? I don’t recognize the app, I’m the worst person to ask what site it was. All I know is the video was short with a drill sargant yelling about how he’s a soldier in God’s army. He doesn’t need to be coddled. Nothing can stand against him. Even death doesn’t scare him because when he dies, Jesus will promote him to captain in his army.

This repeated constantly. I’m stuck doing my exercises, so it’s just me sitting there, doing stretches in the chair and this person on repeat over and over. This is the stuff he listens to? Motivational clips with a military religious bent to them? It certainly makes some sense. I mean, for Conspiracy to listen to. Not the Jesus promoting someone to captain. Why would an omniscient, omnipotent god who can telepathically speak to people need a captain? Or anyone else in his army? Then again, why does an omnipotent being need soldiers or angels? I guess omnipotents and omniscience doesn’t stop us from being lazy, even if you’re a god.

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